Mar. 23rd, 2009

fortunavirilis: (Cabbage)
First of all, since I didn't post last Thursday (or any day sinece then for that matter), my ankle isn't broken. I just have a moderate to severe sprain. It still hurts even in the air splint. However, the doctor said the only thing stopping me from walking on it was the pain as long as I had decent shoes and the splint on. So, this weekend I decided to try walking without the crutches. It hurt. But walking with the crutches hurts too- and the crutches hurt my wrists, my elbows, my knee, my good foot. So I'd rather just my ankle hurt than everything. Progress.

The bonus of no crutches is that I can walk a little more and help a little- some light duty cleaning, a little bit in the kitchen, I walked around the grocery store. I get exhausted and I push myself too hard, but I'm really trying my best.

Somehow the unexpected result is that my extra effort made Hu really angry- not at me, but at Audio. However, it took me until Sunday mid-day to get him to tell me what he was mad about. What it came down to was that even when I was on the crutches I was frustrated that the house was a mess and things were not getting done and that I couldn't help. And now, still in pain, I was helping. Yet there was Audio- perfectly healthy- all he did in three weeks was put the dishes away once. Three weeks! Hu had to take care of three adults for three weeks when he didn't have to and he finally realized that is how I feel like most of the time. And then last week I reminded him that Audio was supposed to move out at the end of March and he hadn't started looking for an apartment. Hu finally noticed that the first floor smells like stale cigarettes (we have no idea how we're going to get rid of that- stanley steamer, repaint?). That is a huge issue to us.

So Hu kinda freaked out. He saved his face (that's a freak out stress thing with him), he went ocd cleaning). He got passive agressive with Audio. He freaked out about all the things that usually bother me.

And the sad thing is- I'm not sure any of it will help get rid of Audio. Because every apartment we recommended he had a snide comment for. We want him out of our house and I think it is going to come down to a massive fight and changing the locks because he is lazy and has a good thing (really cheap rent that includes food and a ride to work most days).

I hate to see Hu so upset, but he is upset about all of the things that have been bothering me for weeks.

This is why I never wanted Audio to stay with us. This is it. Because there was no exit strategy. This is Hu's Iraq. He can't leave work at work- it drives home with him every day and drinks his bourbon and eats his food and leaves dirty dishes in his sink.

I want my husband back and my house back and my safe haven back. I want to go on dinner dates again. It has been five months of this and he earns enough to get a place. My husband is miserable and I need to figure out how to make this end for him.

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fortunavirilis

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